The patriarchy is everywhere, and it makes me angry. Even the very name of our species is an example of the toxic cisheteronormativity of creeping maleness. Human. It’s built off of the word ‘man’, yet another example of toxic masculinity manspreading its way into our language and oppressing queer and nonbinary bodies, not to mention bodies of color. What we need is a new word, a word that doesn’t oppress, a word that is inclusive of all bodies.
Ever since our ancestors first used words, toxic, patriarchal, white males have oppressed minority bodies by violently inserting their name, man, into the very name of our species. There is no way to estimate how much violence has been done in the name of the patriarchy’s toxic, oppressive manspreading.
WE. NEED. WORD. JUSTICE.
From now on, our species should be referred to as the genderbodycolor species. Think of how wonderfully inclusive this new word is, it includes all genders, all colors, and all bodies. Genderbodycolors everywhere should start using our new word right away. It’s an improvement for our language that will liberate all of genderbodycolorkind from the brutal linguistic violence that has been inflicted on genderbodycolors all over the world by awful, evil, straight, white, males.
Enlightened genderbodycolors know that evil white men will resist our genderbodycoloritarian efforts to emancipate our fellow genderbodycolors from their toxic, patriarchal, oppressive whiteness. Together, however, we can climb any mountain, break through any obstacle, and bludgeon any reporter we don’t like over the head with a bike lock, in the name of Word Justice. Even the dark psychic forces of the Evil Orange Man cannot stop the arc of history as it bends towards the liberation of all of genderbodycolority.
[Author’s note: the preceding article is entirely satirical. Normally, people would understand this, but it’s 2019 and everything is stupid.]